A Bronx Tale – The Door Test

A Bronx Tale – The Door Test

Didn’t I tell you Slick was nothing but trouble?
Yeah, but he’s my friend, I just…
He’s your friend. I’m your friend, kid. You’re letting yourself get caught up in his shit. These kids could hurt you. You gotta think for yourself.
I do, I’m really trying, but we hate these people. I don’t hate them, but you know…
What people? What are you talking about? What’s on your mind?
– I met this girl.
– Yeah? So?
I like her and everything, but she ain’t white, she’s from Webster Avenue.
– She’s a coloured broad.
– Yeah.
– You like this girl?
– I do, but I don’t wanna hear the guys…
Fuck those kids. Half of them are gonna end up dead or in jail. Nobody cares. Only that matters is what’s good for you and how you feel about each other. Let me tell you something. When you’re alone, late at night in bed, just you and her under the covers, that’s all that matters, see? You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. I’ll tell you something right now.
You’re only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like great fighters, once every ten years. Rocky Marciano, Sugar Ray Robinson, Joe Louis. Sometimes you get them all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That’s the way it goes, you know? I tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl puts wind
in your sails. Maybe she’s your first great one.
– Thanks, Sonny. I think I’ll go for it.
– Is she a good kid?
– I don’t know. I just met her, but I hope so.
Here’s what you do. Tomorrow you borrow my car.
– You don’t lend anybody your car.
– I’ll lend you my car. I want you to make a good impression. You borrow my car, then you give her the test.
What, the Mario test?
Mario’s a fucking psycho. Why do you listen to this kid? Give her my test, the door test.
– What’s the door test?
– Listen to me. You pull up right where she is, right? Before you get out of the car, you lock both doors. You get out of the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car.
You take out the key, put it in the lock, open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door for her. You walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so you can get in, dump her.
– Just like that?
– Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over, lift up that button for you so you can get in, she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. Dump her and dump her fast.

What about the beautiful things you just told me? Do what my heart tells me to do. Find someone to put wind in my sails. She could be a great one.
Bullshit, kid. The door test, that’s what counts. You dump her, and you dump her fast.
– Dump her?
– Dump her.
Dump her?