Nina: I gotta run. I left the reports on your computer.
Dick: I don’t see them.
Nina: They’re on your computer.
Dick: Nina, don’t jerk me around.
Mary: I think what she means is that the grades might actually be in the computer. Yes, mom, I know. 3 for a dollar is a great price for Crenshaw melons. You know, I got this beeper for emergencies. Yeah, I know they’re gonna go fast. I’ll just have to risk it.
Dick: How am I gonna get my grades out of this?

Mary: They’re not on the disk?

Dick: The disk?
Mary: Oh, my god. You know, in 3 years, I have never seen you use your computer. It’s your dirty little secret, isn’t it? You’re a physics professor who’s computer illiterate.
Dick: I am not.
Mary: Well, fine, fine. But if you ever need my help, I an anthropology professor, will teach you a physics professor how to open a file with your mouse. Ha ha ha!
Dick: Computer, activate now. Oh. Oh ho, silly me. It’s Japanese.  Ima kumputa hajimate!

Salesman : Hello. May I help you?

Dick: Yes. I am quite livid! I purchased this computer here 2 weeks ago, and I can’t do anything with it. It’s broken.
Salesman: We haven’t sold this machine here for 6 years.
Dick: Fine, fine. I’ll just take store credit, then.
Salesman: This is stamped “property of Pendleton university”.
Dick: You have sold me stolen goods? How dare you!
Salesman: You did not buy this computer here. You are lying. You are a liar.
Dick: I thought the customer was always right.
Dick: Oh, my god, it’s so little. I could just sit down and rest it right here on my, uh uh, thigh shelf.
Salesman: Uh, now, all you do to clear the screen—

Dick: that much I know. I have something similar to this at home.

Dick: Ok, configure modem file. Where’s the modem file?

Mary: Go to your control panel.
Dick: My what?

Mary: Your control panel on your desktop.
Dick: Where?

Mary: On your computer’s desktop.
Dick: That’s not a desktop. This is a desktop. That’s a screen.
Mary: No, no, no. Quit this. Hit “command Q.” Command that’s control. Hit command.
Dick: Command!

Mary: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dick! Aaaahhhhh! There.