Rowan Atkinson Live – Elementary dating

Good evening and welcome to the Boston University Huntingdon theatre, for the second part of our course in elementary courting for men. May I say how pleased I am with tonight’s turnout, some 800 people, which is very gratifying. Tonight we look at the first date. Obviously taking out a girl for the first time is a very complex issue.

The first crucial step is, having arranged to pick up your date, not to look like a complete idiot when she first opens the door. Best to look as if your attention has been momentarily distracted. But when you do notice her it is vital to say how pretty she is looking straight away, but don’t overdo it. If at this point you are introduced to her parents, attitude is all important: You can be too casual. You can be too keen.
When you have said goodbye to the parents, again don’t overdo it, lead her to your car and remember to open the door.

Once in the car there are various ways of driving: If you drive like this, you might lose her respect. If you drive like this, you should have taken a taxi. Before long you’ll arrive at the restaurant. Get out of the car, and escort her to your table. Then tuck her into her seat – yourself, and attract the waiter’s attention. Selecting from the wine list is important, complete ignorance is not good. When the bottle arrives, there’s much to be made in the tasting of it, but don’t be too professional. With eating, again, moderation is the order of the day: Don’t eat too fast. – But don’t eat too slowly.

Next is receiving the bill. This is a very important moment, you must be sure not to lose your cool: This is right. – This is wrong. The girl may of course offer to pay herself, in which case you should refuse, for a while. Next stop is a fashionable discotheque. Once inside you might look slightly strange if you try and talk over the music, so just stand casually and look sexy. This is good. This is better. This is starting to be misguided.

After stance, dance technique is most important. Most people don’t know how to dance and so do too much. Other people do too little. Some people dance as if there’s something up their bottom. And other people dance as if there’s something coming out of their bottom.

When all is said and done it’s best probably not to dance at all. A well-mimed sporting injury is always useful and a good excuse for leaving the discotheque. If you don’t utterly foul it up, twenty minutes later you should be back at at your place. It’s important to relax and make your guest feel at home. She will probably feel as nervous as you do and there’s no need to make any extra special effort.

Then putting on the music, we can’t help you with the choice of CD, even though no matter what the circumstances, Donny and Marie Osmond’s greatest hits would be a mistake.
At all costs avoid the temptation to brag about your stereo.

Now comes the moment you’ve been waiting for, the seduction. This is the subject of next week’s lecture. However, as a rough guide: This is right, and this is, I think you’ll agree, disastrous.

Prince Charles plays Hamlet in brilliant BBC sketch alongside Benedict Cumberbatch, Dame Judi Dench

The Prince of Wales – briefly – became the Prince of Denmark on Saturday.

Prince Charles appeared on stage at Stratford as part of a stellar cast in Shakespeare Live, a light-hearted tribute to Britain’s most famous writer, 400 years to the day after he died.

Prince Charles uttered Shakespeare’s most famous line “to be or not to be”, managing to achieve not just every actor’s dream, but trump Dame Judi Dench.

His short contribution came as part of a complex and witty homage to Shakespeare and his soliloquy from Hamlet known the world over.

Prince Charles appeared alongside Tim Minchin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Harriet Walter, David Tennant, Rory Kinnear, Ian McKellen, Judi Dench, and the RSC’s current Hamlet, Paapa Essiedu.

It was a fitting finale to a day of celebrations in Stratford that mixed solemnity, pomp, quite a bit of low farce – and royalty. William Shakespeare probably would have approved.

Thousands gathered in Stratford-Upon-Avon on Saturday to celebrate the 400^th anniversary of the death of Britain’s most famous writer – and his birthday too.

Tributes were led by the Prince of Wales, who – before his appearance on the Stratford stage – laid a wreath on the grave of the playwright in Holy Trinity Church, and had a tour of New Place, the site where Shakespeare spent the last 19 years of his life and wrote some of his most famous works, including it is believed his last play, The Tempest.

Now an archeological site, in the process of being turned into a garden and visitor centre, Prince Charles inspected some of the finds: medieval dice, dominos and a thimble that could have been used by Shakespeare’s father, who was a leather worker. Or at least that is the optimistic interpretation of the curators.

His wreath was made out of generous sprigs of rosemary — reference to Ophelia’s final act of handing out the herb, “for remembrance. Pray you, love, remember.”

A TELJES VIDEÓT ITT NÉZHETITEK MEG: TELJES VIDEÓ 

source: telegraph.co.uk

– Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him.

– Come on. If you don’t drink your fatty drinks, you’ll never really achieve quality cellulite. Your haircut suits you, by the way. No, it does. It does. No gag. Never make a joke about women’s hair, clothes, or menstrual cycles. Page one.

– Look, James, maybe I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry. I’m not being fair. You know, under normal circumstances etcetera, you’re really nice and funny. My friend Anna thinks you’re cute.

– Wait, hold, hold. Your friend Anna thinks I’m cute? Your friend Anna thinks I’m cute? Shit, I just blew… Wait. Oh,  .2.85 on the wrong girl. Helen, listen. Sometimes we are plonked into people’s lives when they just need to be cheered up and reassured and it turns out that for some reason it’s your job. We don’t know why. In your case, it’s my job. But, I’ll be honest, the fact that I find you moderately attractive, just makes the job easier on my part. My intentions are completely honourable. I have no desire to overstep the mark. Seriously. You prefer diamonds or sapphires? Sorry.

– “Moderately attractive”?

– A-ha! I knew you were listening. Well, you know, lose the sad eyes, the droopy mouth, I could get you an upgrade. So, having firmly established the ground rules, what are you doing two weeks on Saturday?

– Probably killing myself.

– Excellent. What time does that finish? Do you like boats?

– Well, a spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm. Old Arthur Webley’s been clipping hedgerows that don’t belong to him.
– Yes, sir?
– That’s it.
– Yes, sir.
– Why do we need the dog?
– It’s not the dog we need.
– Right.
– What did he say?
– He said, “An ‘edge is an ‘edge.”He only chopped it down’cause it spoilt his view. “What’s Reaper moaning about?”
– Right. Look, I appreciate your position, Mr. Webley, but you can’t go around chopping down
other people’s hedges without permission.
– “Yes, I suppose.”
– Thank you.
– All right.
– Mr. Webley, I trust you have a license for that firearm?
– He does for this one.
– What do you mean by “this one”?
– By the power of Grey Skull.
– Where on earth did you get these?
–  Found them.
–  He found them!
–  And what is this?
– Sea mine.
– Sea mine.
– Well, Mr. Webley, this is an extremely dangerous collection. It’s a wonder nobody’s been hurt before.
– No, it’s just a lot of junk.
– Move, move, move!

Watch the scene once again and fill in the gaps, please.

– Well, a spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm. Old Arthur Webley’s been clipping hedgerows that don’t  1. ___________.
– Yes, sir?
– That’s it.
– Yes, sir.
– Why do we need the dog?
– It’s 2. ___________ we need.
– Right.
– What did he say?
– He said, “An ‘edge is an ‘edge.”He only chopped it down’cause it spoilt 3. _________. “What’s Reaper moaning about?”
– Right. Look, I appreciate 4. __________, Mr. Webley, but you can’t go around chopping down other people’s hedges 5. ___________.
– “Yes, I suppose.”
– Thank you.
– All right.
– Mr. Webley, I 6. _________ you have a license for that firearm?
– He does for this one.
– What do you mean by “this one”?
– 7. ___________ Grey Skull.
– 8. ____________ did you get these?
– Found them.
– He found them!
– And what is this?
– Sea mine.
– Sea mine.
– Well, Mr. Webley, this is an extremely dangerous collection. It’s a wonder nobody’s been hurt before.
– No, it’s just a lot of junk.
– Move, move, move!

Key:

1.    belong to him

2.    not the dog

3.    his view

4.    your position

5.    without permission

6.    trust

7.    By the power of

8.    Where on earth

Leonard: Thank you.

Raj: Thanks.

Leonard: Sorry again.

Nathan Fillion: No problem.

Raj: Are you sure you’re not him? Uh, you can tell us. We’re scientists, not crazy fanboys.

Nathan Fillion: All right, fine. I’m him.

Raj: And you’re eating alone at a deli. I don’t buy it, you’re not him.

Nathan Fillion: I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace. But I really am him. And thank you very much for being a fan. If you want, uh, let’s take a picture.

Leonard: That would be great.

Raj: Great.

Leonard: Yeah, thank you.

Nathan Fillion: You bet.

Raj: Wait, hang on. If you’re really Nathan Fillion, what’s the line from Firefly about your bonnet?

Nathan Fillion: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

Leonard: That’s it, that’s the line.

Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn’t make me Nathan Fillion.

Nathan Fillion: Do you want the picture or not?

Raj: I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.

Nathan: How about a picture with a guy who looks like Nathan Fillion but a little more annoyed than Nathan Fillion usually is?

Leonard: What do you think?

Raj: Ah, it’s good enough for Facebook.

Watch the scene once again and fill in the gaps, please.

Leonard: Thank you.

Raj: Thanks.

Leonard: Sorry again.

Nathan Fillion: No problem.

Raj: 1. ____________ you’re not him? Uh, you can tell us. We’re 2. ____________, not crazy fanboys.

Nathan Fillion: All right, fine. I’m him.

Raj: And you’re 3. ___________ at a deli. I don’t buy it, you’re not him.

Nathan Fillion: I just wanted to 4. __________ in peace. But I really am him. And thank you very much for 5. ________. If you want, uh, let’s take a picture.

Leonard: That 6. ___________  .

Raj: Great.

Leonard: Yeah, thank you.

Nathan Fillion: You bet.

Raj: Wait, hang on. If you’re really Nathan Fillion, what’s the 7. __________  Firefly about your bonnet?

Nathan Fillion: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

Leonard: 8. __________, that’s the line.

Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn’t make me Nathan Fillion.

Nathan Fillion: Do you want the picture or not?

Raj: I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.

Nathan: 9. _________ a picture with a guy who looks like Nathan Fillion but a little more annoyed than Nathan Fillion usually is?

Leonard: What do you think?

Raj: Ah, it’s 10. ___________ for Facebook.

Key:

1.    Are you sure

2.    scientists

3.    eating alone

4.    eat my lunch

5.    being a fan

6.    would be great

7.    line from

8.    That’s it

9.    How about

10.  good enough

Penny: I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated about that world. You, you know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity. I don’t want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.

Amy: I can’t believe you got up and walked out of an audition for a big movie.

Penny: I did. I mean, I walked in, read for the part, then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.

Bernadette: Well, I’m glad you have a new appreciation for your job.

Penny: I do, and you know, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you properly for helping me get it.

Bernadette: Properly, at all. It’s just words I’ve never heard.

Penny: Well, thank you. You’re a good friend, and you changed my life.

Bernadette: You’re welcome. Hey, now that you’re making some real money, maybe you can take your friend out for a nice thank-you dinner.

Penny: Sure.

Amy: And you probably have to invite your other friend ’cause she overheard you talking about it, and it would be awkward to exclude her.

Penny: Okay.

Bernadette: How about now?

Penny: All right.

Bernadette: Don’t forget your wallet.

Penny: I, uh, huh.

Watch the episode once again and fill in the gaps, please.

Penny: I mean, the whole 1. ___________  reminded me about how much I hated about that world. You, you know, the anxiety, the depression, the 2. ___________. I don’t want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people 3. _______  those things.

Amy: I can’t believe you got up and 4. _________  an audition for a big movie.

Penny: I did. I mean, I walked in, read for the part, then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.

Bernadette: Well, 5. ________ you have a new appreciation for your job.

Penny: I do, and you know, I don’t think I’ve ever 6. __________ properly for helping me get it.

Bernadette: Properly, at all. It’s just words I’ve never heard.

Penny: Well, thank you. You’re a good friend, and you 7. ___________.

Bernadette: You’re welcome. Hey, now that you’re making some real money, maybe you can take your friend out for a nice 8. ___________.

Penny: Sure.

Amy: And you probably have to invite your other friend ’cause she overheard you talking about it, and it would be awkward to exclude her.

Penny: Okay.

Bernadette: How about now?

Penny: All right.

Bernadette: Don’t forget your wallet.

Penny: I, uh, huh.

Key:

1.    experience

2.    negativity

3.    who feel

4.    walked out of

5.    I’m glad

6.    thanked you

7.    changed my life

8.    thank-you dinner

Phoebe: Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!!

Rachel: Umm, I think he’s still out. What’s wrong?

Phoebe: Well, I’ll tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note.

Rachel: “Pheebs, can’t make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy.” Big Daddy?

Phoebe: Oh that’s a nickname we were trying out.

Ross: Hey, y’know what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron!

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: Oh! Here’s Joseph Francis!

Joey: Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for?! I left you a note!

Phoebe: So what?! That doesn’t give you the right to ditch me!

Joey: Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex!

Ross: Phoebe he’s right, that is the rule.

Phoebe: I don’t accept this rule. When we make plans, I expect you to show up. Okay, I can’t just be a way to kill time ‘til you meet someone better! Y’know boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this is for life!

Joey: Wow! I’m so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much.

Phoebe: Well, it does.

Joey: Okay, can I-can I make it up to you? Huh? I’m sorry. How about uh, dinner tomorrow night?! I’ll pay for myself!

Phoebe: Okay, you wore me down.

Ross: Hey Joe, while you’re over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?

Joey: The Ross—Is that back?!!