Phoebe: All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is “My name is Claude”, so, just repeat after me. “Je m’appelle Claude”.

Joey: Je de coup Clow.

Phoebe: Well, just… let’s try it again.

Joey: Ok.

Phoebe: Je m’appelle Claude.

Joey: Je depli mblue.

Phoebe: Uh. It’s not… quite what I’m saying.

Joey: Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.

Phoebe: It does, really?

Joey: Yeah.

Phoebe: All right, let just try it again. Really listen.

Joey: Got it.

Phoebe: (slowly) Je m’appelle Claude.

Joey: Je te flouppe Fli.

Phoebe: Oh, mon Dieu!

Joey: Oh, de fuff!

——————–

[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.]

Phoebe: Je m’appelle Claude.

Joey: Je do call blue!

Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let’s try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. “je”.

Joey: je.

Phoebe: m’ap

Joey: mah

Phoebe: pelle

Joey: pel.

Phoebe: Great, ok faster! “je”

Joey: je.

Phoebe: m’ap

Joey: mah

Phoebe: pelle

Joey: pel.

Phoebe: Je m’appelle!

Joey: Me pooh pooh!

Phoebe: Ok, it’s too hard, I can’t teach you!

Joey: What are you doing?

Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)

Joey: (he goes out calling her) Don’t move! Don’t go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh.

—————–

[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]

Tape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.

Joey: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!

Tape: Good job.

Joey: Thank you.

(Phoebe enters)

Phoebe: Hey Joey.

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO let’s try it again.

Joey: Oh, no, that’s okay, I don’t need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!

Phoebe: Really, can I hear some of it?

Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) “Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu” (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?

Phoebe: Well, you’re not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You’re not… you’re not… again, you’re not SPEAKING FRENCH!

Joey: (offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I’m definitely gonna get the part.

Phoebe: How could you possibly think that?

Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!

————-

Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey’s on stage and she sits down. He hasn’t seen her.]

Director: Whenever you’re ready Joey.

Joey: Right. (clears his throat) Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c’est la pu les la lu blah bloo.

Casting assistant: I’m sorry, what’s going on?

Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!

Director: Joey, do you speak French?

Joey: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!

Director: You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)

Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.

Director: You really think this man is speaking French?

Joey: Sa-sa-saw!

Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C’est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He’s my little bother. He’s a bit retarded.)

(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)

Phoebe: Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui… (Translation: So, would you please just humor him?)

Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we’re gonna go with someone else for the part.

Joey: Ah. All right. But my French was good?

Director: It was great.

Joey: (to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!

Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)

Joey: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.

Find the English equivalent of these Hungarian sentences in the script.

1. Elnézést, mi folyik itt?

2. Hogy a csudába gondolhatod azt?

3. Elég egyszerűnek tűnik.

4. Próbáljuk meg újra!

5. Nincs szükségem a segítségedre.

Key

1. I’m sorry, what’s going on?

2. How could you possibly think that?

3. It seems pretty simple.

4. Let’s try it again.

5. I don’t need your help.