viccek angolul – Ingyenes Angol online nyelvtanulás minden nap

Poénos Mikulás :)

dr. Bülgözdi Imola — Mon, 06 Dec 2021 07:03:48 +0000

Santa jokes – Find the punchlines.

Question	Answer
1. What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?	a) North Polish.
2. What’s red & white and red & white and red & white?	b) “Wrap” music!
3. Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?	c) At a Ho-ho-tel.
4. Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays?	d) Because they have low elf esteem.
5. What nationality is Santa Claus?	e) Santa rolling down a hill!
6. What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?	f) Subordinate Clauses
7. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?	g) A rebel without a Claus.
8. What kind of music do elves like best?	h) Nothing, it was on the house.
9. What happens if you accidentally eat a Christmas decoration?	i) Claustrophobic
10. Why are elves so depressed?	j) You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
11. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?	k) Go to a “re-tail” shop for a new one.
12. What do you call Santa’s helpers?	l) You get “Tinsel”-itis!

answers: 1-k 2-e 3-j 4-c 5-a 6-g 7-h 8-b 9-l 10-d 11-i 12-f

Egy-két ír vicc:)

dr. Bülgözdi Imola — Mon, 17 Mar 2014 08:18:56 +0000

Find which paragraph belongs to which Irish joke. Both jokes consist of 4 paragraphs altogether. You can find the beginning of the jokes in the first row of the table.

Normal
0

false
false
false

EN-GB
X-NONE
X-NONE

/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:””;
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:”Calibri”,”sans-serif”;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Irish Driver Breathalysed Late on one Saturday night, the Garda (= Irish police) spotted O’Callaghan driving very erratically through the streets of Dungarvan, County Waterford. The policeman pulled him over and asked O’Callaghan if he had been drinking that evening.	Booze There was once an Irishman named Murphy who walked into an American Bar. He sat down and asked the Bartender "Give me three shots o’ your finest Irish Whiskey!" the Bartender complies.
A. Well, after another week of this routine, Murphy comes into the bar and only asks for two shots of Irish Whiskey. The bartender immediately says "Murphy, is everything ok? Did somethin’ happen to one of your brothers?" "Oh no", Murphy said, "I just decided to quit drinking!"	B. ‘Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Saturday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints,’ chattered the inebriated O’Callaghan. ‘Then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’ those.’
C. The Garda officer sighed and said, ‘Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyser test.’ Indignantly, O’Callaghan replied, ‘Why? Don’t ye believe me?’	D. After about a week the bartender asks, "Murphy, would it be better for yeh if I put all three shots of Irish Whiskey into one glass?"
E. Murphy replied, "well no. See I have two other brothers back at home, Patrick and Owen, and everytime I come into a Pub or Bar I order a shot for each o’ them so I can remember the good times."	F. Then I had to drive me friend O’Reilly home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness – couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later …,’ and O’Callaghan fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

answers:

Irish Driver Breathalysed: B, F, C
Booze: D, E, A

A népszerű postás ;)

dr. Bülgözdi Imola — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 10:45:22 +0000

Fill in the gaps with the right sentence to have a laugh.

The Popular Postman

Monday morning the postman named Dan is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. 1 ………………..

‘Wow Jim, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,’ the Postman Dan comments. Jim, in obvious pain, replies 2 ……………….. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. 3 ………………..

The Postman Dan thinks a moment and says, ‘How do you play WHO AM I?’

4 ……………….. Then the women try to guess who it is.’

The postman Dan laughs and says, ‘Sounds like fun, I’m sorry I missed it.’

5 ……………….. Jim responded.’ Your name came up 7 times.’

A. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing ‘WHO AM I.’

B. His wonder was cut short by Jim, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and liquor bottles for the recycling bin.

C. ‘Probably a good thing you did,’

D. ‘Actually we had it Saturday night.

E. ‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the ‘family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet, asking "WHO AM I".

answers: 1-B 2-D 3-A 4-E 5-C

Normal
0

false
false
false

EN-GB
X-NONE
X-NONE