source: Google Translate Sings: “Havana” by Camila Cabello (PARODY), Twisted Translations, YouTube

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Rachel: Hi!
Chandler: Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again!
Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, what’s the problem?
Chandler: I can’t seem to say goodbye.
Rachel: Are you serious?! Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago and you want more?
Chandler: Well I’ve forgotten what it tastes like okay?!
Rachel: It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling… (Pause) Wow! My whole mouth just filled with saliva!
Chandler: (closing the box) Y’know what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
Rachel: Yeah and we’ll drop it off downstairs so that we’re not tempted.
Chandler: Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch?
Rachel: Momma’s Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. (They exit with the cheesecake.)

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Chandler: Well, thank you for lunch.
Rachel: What? Wait a minute, I didn’t pay, I thought you paid!
Chandler: So apparently we just don’t pay for food anymore. (Rachel laughs then Chandler notices something.) Do you see what I see?
Rachel: (gasps) It’s still there! (The cheesecake they returned to Mrs. Braverman is still lying in front of her door.)
Chandler: Mrs. Braverman must be out. (They move closer to it.)
Rachel: She could be out of town. Maybe she’ll be gone for months.
Chandler: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We don’t want her to come back to bad cheesecake.
Rachel: No that could kill her.
Chandler: Well, we don’t want that.
Rachel: No, so we’re protecting her.
Chandler: But we should take it.
Rachel: But we should move quick.
Chandler: Why?
Rachel: Because I think I just heard her moving around in there.
Chandler: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (Rachel grabs the cheesecake and they take off upstairs.)

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Rachel: (taking a bite) Oh my God! That is so good!
Chandler: I’m full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I’ll regret it.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: (seeing what they’re doing) What do you get there?
Rachel: Oh it’s umm, it’s tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
Chandler: What are you doing tonight?
Joey: Huh? Uh… (He starts taking off his pants.)
Chandler: Dude! Dude! (Motions that Joey should pull up his pants.)
Joey: Oh! (Pulls up his pants.) Sorry. Uh, I’ve got those plans with Phoebe, why?
Chandler: Oh really? Uh, Monica said she had a date at 9:00.
Joey: What?! Tonight?!
Chandler: That’s what Monica said.
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think she’s trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!

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Chandler: Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!
Rachel: (with a mouthful) Mm-mmm. (Nods no.)
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are dessert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Chandler: Y’know what? I don’t trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and I’m takin’ it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his apartment.)
Rachel: What?! What?!
Chandler: Oh yes!
Rachel: Wait a minute!
Chandler: Oh yes!
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, no you don’t!

[Cut to Chandler and Monica’s as they enter.]

Chandler: Oh yes! Oh yes!
Rachel: You think I trust you with it?! No! We’re gonna split it! You take half and I take half!
Chandler: Well that’s not fair, you’ve already had some!
Rachel: What? Oh, well then y’know what? I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.
Chandler: What do we use to split it?
Rachel: Okay! (Grabs a knife and cuts it in half.) All right, pick a half.
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh… There’s more crust on this side. Y’know? So, maybe if I measured…
Rachel: Oh for God’s sake just pick a piece!
Chandler: All right, I’ll pick that one. (Points.)
Rachel: That’s also the smaller piece. (Puts the piece onto a plate.) Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and don’t come crying to me if you eat your piece too fast. (As she’s saying that she is backing out the door, when she finishes she turns around to return to her place, stumbles and drops the cheesecake on the floor.) Oh!!!!
Chandler: (gloatingly and holding his piece) Ohhh!
Rachel: Okay, you gotta give me some of your piece.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and don’t come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my… (Rachel knocks the plate from his hand and it falls on the floor. That process leaves just the forkful Chandler has, Rachel starts to go after that little bit and Chandler retreats into his apartment.)

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Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! There’s a piece that doesn’t have floor on it!
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Rachel: Hey, come on now!

(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)

Joey: (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin’? (Starts digging in.)

Steve has difficulty comprehending Al’s answer.

STEVE: No. I meant about your burgers.
AL: Oh, oh. Well, the secret’s in the ashes, Steve. You see, I never clean my grill. Ashes of the past for the burgers of the future. [Al notices Marcy] Marcy, you’re not eating?
MARCY: How can I eat with you talking about ashes? It only makes me think of my poor Aunt Tuney, up on our mantle over our fireplace in her little urn.

When Kelly hears Marcy’s reply, she immediately stops eating and a worried look appears on her face.

KELLY: Uh, excuse me but, what did you say was in a little urn above your fireplace?
MARCY: The ashes of my dead aunt.

Kelly drinks water from a large container, then runs over to the fence and spits out the water into the Rhoades’ backyard. Kelly rushes over to Bud, who is busy eating.

KELLY: Bud, can I talk to you for a second?

Bud’s mouth is full and he grunts at Kelly to leave him alone. Kelly whispers in Bud’s ear. Bud coughs and spits out the burger, he wipes his tongue frantically on his shirt. Bud then leans over to Peggy, and whispers in her ear. Peggy has a similar reaction, then she gets up  and starts chasing Kelly around the backyard. Bud taps Steve on his shoulder and whispers in  his ear. Steve stares intensely at his burger, then a huge grin appears on his face. He takes a massive bite from the burger.

AL: Marcy, come on, you’re not eating any. Take a bite, you’ll like it.
STEVE [concerned]: Uh, Marcy…
MARCY: Shut up, Ghoul.
STEVE [unconcerned]: Alrighty!

Steve gets up and moves away. Peggy is still chasing Kelly around the backyard. Marcy sits next to Al, and starts to eat her burger.

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bloody – átkozott, francos

bottom – fenék

dove – gerle

ear – fül

gay – meleg, homoszexuális

hell – pokol

lovely – bájos, szeretetreméló

mission – küldetés

piece – darab

to assert oneself – kiáll az igazáért

to be  committed to – elhivatottnak lenni vmi iránt

to be allowed to do sth – vkinek meg van engedve, hogy csináljon vmit

to be fond of sb – vkit imádni

to be thrilled about sth – oda lenni vmiért

to bond with sb – kötődni vkihez

to discover – felfedez, rájön

to fancy sb – oda lenni vkiért

to get excited – izgalomba jönni

to go on a mission to … – küldetést vállalni, azért, hogy …

to keep doing sth – vmit folyamatosan, megállás nélkül csinál

to offer – felajánl

to refuse  – visszautasít

to reunite with sb – újra összehoz vkivel

to slip – kihagy véletlenül, megcsúszik

to sniff – szagol, szaglászik

to touch – megérint

to watch sb – vigyáz vkire

———————

Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.
Chandler: Yes. Yes!
Ross: One more time, “Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?”
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Ross: Good! That’s good!
Chandler: Okay. I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You wanna quit?
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You do realize that you won’t have access to our new full service Swedish spa.
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a ‘Be strong’ sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. Uh, excuse me, are you a member?
Ross: Me? No.
Gym Employee: Sorry, members only.
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Ross: It’s okay man, be strong.
Gym Employee: So, are you a member of any gym.
Ross: No! And I’m not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. Could you come here for a second?

Woman: Hi, I’m Maria.

—————–

Rachel: Hey! So, did you quit?
Chandler: No, I almost did, couldn’t leave Ross there without a spotter!
Monica: Wait, now so you joined the gym?

(Rachel starts to laugh.)

Ross: And that’s funny, why?
Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just picturing you working out and umm… Oh, that’s it.
Chandler: We’re doomed. Okay, they’re gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?
Monica: Well, you could actually go to the gym.

(Chandler and Ross both laugh)

Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.
Chandler: You’re a genius!
Joey: Aww, man, now we won’t be bank buddies!
Chandler: Now, there’s two reasons.

———–

Ross: Hello.
Chandler: Hi.
Ross: We’d like to close our accounts.
Bank Officer: Close your accounts? Is there some kind of problem?
Ross: No-no.
Chandler: No, we’d just like to close them.
Bank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. Would you come over here, please?
Ms. Lambert: Hi, I’m Karen.
Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!

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Monica: So you didn’t leave the bank?
Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Chandler: To pay for the gym.

gym card – kondibérlet
member – tag(ja valaminek)
to quit – kilépni valahonnan
bank account – bankszámla
phrase – mondat, frázis, szólás
peppiness – életerősség
to confuse – összezavarni
treat – élvezet
to hold one’s hand – fogni valakinek a kezét
to face somebody – szembenézni valakivel
washboard stomach – kockás has
hard pecs – kemény mellizmok
flabby gut – pettyhüdt has
saggy man breasts – logó férfi cicik
to realize – rájönni, észrevenni
access to something – hozzáférés valamihez
membership – tagság
to handle – kezelni
speech – beszéd
spotter – figyelő, megfigyelő
to join something – csatlakozni valamihez
to picture somebody doing something – elképzelni, hogy valaki csinál valamit
to be doomed – halálra/kudarcra ítélve lenni
buck – dolcsi
rest – maradéka valaminek
source – forrás
buddy – cimbora
reason – oka valaminek
joint checking account – közös bankszámla