To win an Oscar is everyone’s secret dream. So if you ever do get the chance to win an Academy Award, allow us to help you perfect your acceptance speech for when you receive your Oscar.

Paint your face, put on your glad rags, and borrow a million dollars’ worth of diamonds. Oscar’s here! And you can learn a lot about the do’s and don’ts of speech making just by looking at him: he’s short, he’s shiny and he has no naughty bits. VideoJug has sifted through 79 years of Oscar history to bring you the dos and don’ts of Oscar etiquette so that when you have to make an impromptu speech, you’ll look like a star.

Step 1: And the winner is….

The first thing to get right is your reaction to the result.
“And the winner for Best Supporting Actor Oscar goes to…”
It is critical that if you lose you don’t do what Samuel L Jackson did at the 1994 Oscars.
Whatever your studio executives have told you, expect to lose, and when you win your delight will be beamed across the world … it’ll be the first really honest performance of your career.

Step 2: Small ones are more juicy

In the 1940s, Greer Garson managed a speech that seemed to go on for about three days. Now there is a long standing rule at the Academy Awards that no speech should be longer than 45 seconds. So none of this:
“I would really like to thank my ancestors, because if it wasn’t for my ancestors they wouldn’t have given birth to my great-great grandparents, who wouldn’t have given birth to my grandparents”
Be clear and structured, so the audience know where they are. This doesn’t mean you can’t tell a joke, but do it fast enough to ensure the whole world has not switched off and gone to bed by the time you get to the punchline.
“I wanted to thank them because without them, I would not be stood in front of y’all today, so I want to say thanks and God Bless America – this is for you Cleetus!”

Step 3: Fight the power

The political speech is a fine art. If you really want to get people talking about your speech then you can’t do better than bringing up on stage a small indigenous character in traditional garb, whose home is under threat from a war, chemical spill or multinational plastic toy manufacturer.
“This is Takawana. His entire village has just been bought by Disney- this is an outrage!”
Remember to only accept your Oscar on behalf of his entire tribe, and finish with a clenched fist that suggests solidarity with all other troubled tribes everywhere. This is well worth doing for the massive DVD market that will open up for your subsequent films.

Step 4: Crying a river

When Gwyneth Paltrow dissolved into floods of tears for her best actress win for Shakespeare in Love, she tapped into something that had been irritating Oscar lovers for years: the excess of emotion.
“You know what. When I was little- all we had to eat was wild turkey, and when there was no more wild turkey, we ate squirrel! And when there was no more squirrel, we ate dust! We just had to put our faces in the dust and suck and lick it up! Oh god!
You’re a professional! Keep those emotions in check! Dry your eyes, get it together and smile for the cameras, sweetheart, you’re ruining your own big moment.

Step 5: Make your clothes work for you

Although lots of people win Oscars each year, only one actor really “wins” – and that’s the one that gets written about most afterwards. One of the best ways to make sure you get more column inches than anyone else is to wear something truly astonishing like Bjork did in 2001 when she turned up as a swan. Be super super glamorous, and if you are going to go to all this trouble, make sure your clothes stay on.

Step 6: Make ’em laugh

When the English Patient won nine Oscars in 1997, director Anthony Minghella remarked that “this is a great day for the Isle of Wight.”
A single good joke can stay in the audience’s minds far more than a parade of poor ones. So if you think you might win something, work hard on a good gag. And if you can’t think of one, ask your funniest friend.

acceptance speech – átvevő beszéd
glad rags – a legpuccosabb ruha
the do’s and don’ts – mit szabad és mit nem
naughty bits – csintalan, pajzán rész
impromptu – rögtönzött
to expect to – számítani valamire
delight – öröm
long-standing rule – régóta fennálló szabály
ancestor – ős
structured – jól szerkesztett
punchline – poén
cleetus – paraszt
indigenous – bennszülött
traditional garb – népviselet, hagyományos öltözék
outrage – felháborodás, felháborító dolog
clenched fist – ökölbe szorított kéz
subsequent – következő
to dissolve in tears – könnyekben tör ki
to keep something in check – kordában tartani
to ruin – tönkretenni
column – újság hasábja
astonishing – döbbenetes
to go to trouble – veszi a fáradságot
single – egyetlen
to stay in someone’s mind – megmarad a fejében
gag – poén

School jokes

Match the first line of the joke with the punchline.

answers: 1-g 2-j 3-a 4-i 5-b 6-h 7-c 8-e 9-f 10-d

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Jimmy – "Everybody’s talkin’ bout my tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on. Everybody’s lookin’ at my tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on. I’m the only guy in town wearing tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on. I’m the only guy wearing tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on."

JLo – "Everyone in town loves my tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on. People wouldn’t lie about my tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on. I can swing my arms, I can shake my hips. I can dance down the block knowing I’m the only chick that’s wearing tight pants and I’m the only one."

Jimmy – "Hey, hey slow down there young lady friend. You say people are talkin’ about your tight pants down at the local Piggly Wiggly? Well, I find that hard to believe. ‘Cause ever since I moved to this town everyone I know is talkin’ about my tight pants."

JLo – "Well, that’s funny because yesterday I ran into Mayor Barleycorn and he presented me with a plaque that declares my pants the tightest in all the land!"

Jimmy – “Well I just received an urgent telegram from Governor Grimble claiming today is “Tight Pants Day” in honour of my tight pants.

JLo – "Listen up you little bitch… You’d better hide your wife, you’d better hide your kids ‘cause I will cut you. I will cut your father, I will cut your mother, I will scratch you, don’t make me take off my heels.”

Jimmy – “Take it easy Georgia Wheezy.”

JLo – “Look, what I’m trying to say is. Get lost, apple sauce. I’m the only one who wears tight pants in this town. You feel me? Don’t rattle the cage! Hisssssss! We coolo papi cholo?”

Jimmy – “I got your hot Sriracha. I guess I’ll find another new town."

JLo – "Everybody’s talkin’ bout my tight pants, I got my tight pants, I got my tight pants on.”

pants – nadrág (amerikai angol), brit angolban alsónadrág
hips – csípő
block – tömbház
Piggly Wiggly – amerikai szupermarket-lánc
plaque – emléktábla
urgent – sürgős
telegram – távirat
in honour of – valaminek a tiszteletére
to scratch – karmolni
heels – magassarkú
apple sauce – slang for nonsense – képtelenség, marhaság
to rattle the cage – rázni a ketrecrácsot
coolo – cool
cholo – mexikói gengszter
Sriracha – really hot sauce from Thailand, szleng: farok

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Have you ever called a politician a bonehead? Think the world would be a better place if pets made all major life decisions? Even the ones that have nothing to do with bacon or the mailman? You might want to consider moving to Divide, Colo.

Pa Kettle the bloodhound has been elected mayor of the small mountain town, reports the Associated Press. He beat out 10 other animals competing for the unofficial title in an online race benefiting the Teller County Regional Animal Shelter. Each vote raised $1 for the rescue, and the election also spotlighted groups such as Teller County Search and Rescue (for which Pa Kettle works as a search-and-rescue hound).

Pa Kettle earned 2,387 votes, shelter funding coordinator Nancy Adams told the Colorado Springs Gazette on Wednesday. The hound squeezed out a victory over Kenyi the wolf by just 55 votes. The bloodhound will replace a three-legged cat as mayor of Divide, which does not have a human mayor.

bonehead – buta, ostoba (ember)
major – lényeges
decisions – döntés, határozat
mailman – postás
to consider – megfontolni
bloodhound – véreb
mayor – polgármester
to report – jelenteni
unofficial – nem hivatalos
to benefit from – hasznára válik, javára válik
vote – szavazat
to raise money – pénzt szerezni
rescue – (meg)mentés
search-and-rescue hound – mentőkutya
shelter – menhely
to squeeze out a victory – nehezen, de sikerül nyernie
to replace – leváltani

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This is the hilarious moment a dog sounded a car horn for 15 minutes after its owner spent too long in an art gallery. Fern, an 18-month-old boxer, was filmed leaning back in the driver seat with her left paw resting on the steering wheel and repeatedly pressing the horn on Saturday afternoon. The animal had been left inside the car while her owner to finish browsing an art gallery in Scotland. Since being posted online yesterday, the footage of the impatient but ‘attention-loving’ boxer has been viewed more than 8,000 times.

Fern’s owners Graham and Fiona Haddow say they had only been wandering around the shops for five minutes when they heard the faint sound of a car horn. At the time they thought little of the noise, and decided to browse the Eduardo Alessandro Studios art gallery. But after returning to their vehicle 15 minutes later they were shocked to see a large crowd gathered and grew concerned for Fern’s welfare.

Mr Haddow, 58, said: ‘I came out of the gallery and looked down the street and saw a crowd of people standing around, pointing at my car. I started running because I was worried something had happened to her,’ he added. ‘When I got closer I realised people were pointing and laughing and taking pictures. She gave me a sideways glance and just kept on going,’ Mr Haddow went on. Although Fern regularly climbs into the front seat when left alone in a car, she has never actually used the horn before, Mr Haddow said.

Mr Haddow is concerned that his beloved pet boxer may repeat her new trick after all the attention it got her the first time around. ‘I think she is a bit of a diva. She just wants a bit of attention and she seems to have gotten her way this time… I might have to put something on the driver’s seat to stop her doing it again.’

source: Daily Mail

hilarious – nagyon vicces, muris
horn – duda
owner – gazdi, tulajdonos
to lean back – hátradőlni
driver seat – vezetőülés
paw – mancs
steering wheel – kormány
footage – filmfelvétel
attention-loving – szeret a figyelem központjában lenni
faint – halk, elmosódott
to think little of something – nem sokat törődni valamivel
crowd – tömeg
to grow concerned for – elkezd aggódni valamiért
welfare – jólét, valakinek az egészsége, biztonsága
to point at – valamire mutatni
sideways glance – oldalpillantás
to keep on doing something – folytatni valamit
although – habár
trick – trükk, csel
diva – díva, művésznő
to have one’s way – úgy történnek a dolgok, ahogy akarja
to stop someone doing something – megakadályozni valamiben

True or false?

1. The owners left the dog in the car to go to the post office.

2. The dog often climbs on the first seat of the car when left alone.

3. The shoppers were upset by the sound of the car horn.

4. The owners were really worried when they saw a crowd standing around their car.

5. The dog likes to be in the centre of attention.

answers: 1-F 2-T 3-F 4-T 5-T

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Rakesh Mahanti, from Jharsugudha in India, had an interview on Skype for a Network Engineer role in Oman – and the language barrier is evident. Both Rakesh and his female interviewer speak in English throughout the video, during which Rakesh addresses her as ‘Sir’.

Despite professing to be ‘technology mad’, Rakesh admits that this was his first time on what he calls ‘Spyke’. As if to further cement his status as a technology expert, he tells his interviewer: ‘I am putting my screwdriver everywhere and seeing what is happening.’ And as for his career ambitions, he says: ‘Sir, I will have a fruity career in your steamy company. I will perform and reach the climax position.’ But Rakesh also has a pretty impressive work-life balance, telling his prospective employer: ‘In my spare time, I chat to girls on Facebook and collect (Indian sweet) pan masala wrappers.’

Many of those who have seen the video, which dates back to 2012, say it could be fake, but either way, it serves a pretty comprehensive guide to what not to do in a job interview.

source: www.metro.co.uk

Network Engineer – hálózat-szerelő
language barrier – nyelvi akadály
evident – nyilvánvaló
to address somebody – valakit valahogy szólítani
despite – valami ellenére
to admit – beismerni
to cement – megszilárdítani
expert – szakértő
screwdriver – csavarhúzó
fruity career – gyümölcsös karrier (fruitful – gyümölcsöző)
steamy company – gőzös vállalat (esteemed – nagyra becsült, tisztelt)
climax position – csúcspont pozíció
work-life balance – munka és magánélet egyensúlya
prospective – leendő
wrapper – csomagolás
fake – hamisítvány
comprehensive guide to – átfogó útmutató valamihez 

Match the words with the definitions.

answers: 1-c 2-d 3-e 4-a 5-b

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Among the many highlights fans are looking forward to is coverage of Rob’s surprise visit to fan Maria Mele and her family, in Naperville, Illinois. Mele wrote in to the show in response to an ad on The Oprah Show web site calling for fans to share how “Twilight” changed their life—the most she hoped for was to score tickets to the show.

Rob’s visit to the Mele house has been well-documented and well-photographed, but lesser-known is the fact that Rob visited the homes of two other families of Twilight fans in the Chicagoland area that day. Though Rob’s fame and his rigorous production schedule make large-scale meet and greet appearances prohibitive, when low-key opportunities arise, the actor is consistently reported as graciously taking time to meet his fans.

(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)

Rachel: Alright, I don’t wanna alarm anybody, but Monica’s hair is twice as big as it was when we landed!

(Monica and Chandler reach the group)

Monica: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
Chandler: That’s why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
Joey: Come on, I’ll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn’t next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it’s such a romantic place. That’s all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
Phoebe: Not Joey.
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
Monica: Yeah, right!

[Cut to the guys]

David: So, ehm… I’m proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn’t an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn’t pay quite as well as you might think. That’s uhm… one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm… is quite poor.
Chandler: (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Monica: Ok!
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Monica: See what happens when you give people advice? I hope you told him not to?
Chandler: That would be advice!!
Monica: Ok fine. I’ll handle this. (goes to Phoebe who’s talking to Rachel) Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: (looking very serious) I need to talk to you.
Phoebe: Are you leaving “The Supremes”? (Monica and Phoebe go to one side)
Monica: Ok, my husband just gave your boyfriend some very bad advice. Look, David is going to propose to you tonight.
Phoebe: Wow? Really? That’s fantastic!
Monica: What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha… What about Mike?
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let’s just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: “Mike, do you take Phoebe…” (gestures with her hand as if someone is covering her mouth and tries to shout “No! No!”) You know, it’s every girl’s dream!
Monica: Do you really think marrying someone else is the right answer?
Phoebe: Sure! Look, ok, bottom line: I love Mike… David! David. I love David. Don’t look at me that way, Roseanne Rosannadanna!

aisle – sor székek között (repülőn, templomban)
ceiling – plafon
clarity – tisztaság
engagement ring – eljegyzési gyűrű
Everything in upside down here! – Itt minden a feje tetejére állt!
failed scientist – bukott tudós
heart-shaped – szív alakú
honeymoon – nászút
humidity – páratartalom
king size bed – nagy méretű franciaágy
tiny – pici
to alarm sb – megijeszt, megrémít
to be supposed to be … – … -nek kellene lennie
to emphasize – kihangsúlyoz, kiemel
to gag – elnémít
to handcuff – megbilincselni
to handle a situation – kezelni egy helyzetet
to lust after sb – epekedik vki iránt
to make sure – meggyőződni vmiről, bebiztosítani vmit
to propose to sb – megkérni vki kezét
to share – oszt, megoszt, eloszt