[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s trying to teach Joey French, so she’s sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.]
Phoebe: All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is “My name is Claude”, so, just repeat after me. “Je m’appelle Claude”.
Joey: Je de coup Clow.
Phoebe: Well, just… let’s try it again.
Phoebe: Je m’appelle Claude.
Joey: Je depli mblue.
Phoebe: Uh. It’s not… quite what I’m saying.
Joey: Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.
Phoebe: It does, really?
Phoebe: All right, let just try it again. Really listen.
Joey: Got it.
Phoebe: (slowly) Je m’appelle Claude.
Joey: Je te flouppe Fli.
Phoebe: Oh, mon Dieu!
Joey: Oh, de fuff!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.]
Phoebe: Je m’appelle Claude.
Joey: Je do call blue!
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let’s try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. “je”.
Phoebe: Great, ok faster! “je”
Phoebe: Je m’appelle!
Joey: Me pooh pooh!
Phoebe: Ok, it’s too hard, I can’t teach you!
Joey: What are you doing?
Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)
Joey: (he goes out calling her) Don’t move! Don’t go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh.
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
Tape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
Joey: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!
Tape: Good job.
Joey: Thank you.
Phoebe: Hey Joey.
Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO let’s try it again.
Joey: Oh, no, that’s okay, I don’t need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
Phoebe: Really, can I hear some of it?
Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) “Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu” (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
Phoebe: Well, you’re not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You’re not… you’re not… again, you’re not SPEAKING FRENCH!
Joey: (offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I’m definitely gonna get the part.
Phoebe: How could you possibly think that?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey’s on stage and she sits down. He hasn’t seen her.]
Director: Whenever you’re ready Joey.
Joey: Right. (clears his throat) Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c’est la pu les la lu blah bloo.
Casting assistant: I’m sorry, what’s going on?
Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!
Director: Joey, do you speak French?
Joey: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!
Director: You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)
Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
Director: You really think this man is speaking French?
Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C’est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He’s my little bother. He’s a bit retarded.)
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Phoebe: Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui… (Translation: So, would you please just humor him?)
Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we’re gonna go with someone else for the part.
Joey: Ah. All right. But my French was good?
Director: It was great.
Joey: (to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!
Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
Joey: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.
Find the English equivalent of these Hungarian sentences in the script.
1. Elnézést, mi folyik itt?
2. Hogy a csudába gondolhatod azt?
3. Elég egyszerűnek tűnik.
4. Próbáljuk meg újra!
5. Nincs szükségem a segítségedre.
1. I’m sorry, what’s going on?
2. How could you possibly think that?
3. It seems pretty simple.
4. Let’s try it again.
5. I don’t need your help.