Monica: (entering) Hey!
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey sweetie! (they kiss)
Ross: (looking at Monica’s legs) WOW!
Chandler: Hey! Stop staring at my wife’s legs! No no! Stop staring at your sister’s legs!
Ross: I’m sorry, it’s just… how did you get so tan?
Chandler: She went on one of those spray-on tan places.
Ross: Eh, you got a spray-on tan?
Monica: Chandler gets pedicures!
Ross: (laughing) Why, why you do, like with the-the toe separators?
Chandler: (To Monica) Why…why?
Ross: Still, I can’t believe that’s sprayed on… I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one!
Chandler: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off.
Ross: So, do you get colours or just French tips?
Monica: There. Here’s their card.
Ross: Thanks. (he takes the card) Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video…
(pauses when he realizes what he is saying) florist. (he goes away)
(Scene: At the tanning salon. Ross and a male assistant are walking through a hall)
Assistant: Alright Mr. Geller! Right this way! So, how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three.
Ross: Well… I like how you look, what are you?
Assistant: Puerto Rican.
Ross: Two, I think a two.
Assistant: You’ve got to face the red light. When the red light goes on the spraying is about to start so close your eyes. When the spraying stops, count to five. Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back. Got it?
Ross: Spray, count, pat, then turn, spray, count and pat.
Assistant: Wow, you catch on quick.
Ross: Well, I have a PhD, so… (assistant walk out, not impressed by this statement)
(Ross takes his bathrobe off and he enters the tanning booth. He stands up in front of the red light and the sprayer starts and sprays his face and torso)
Ross:One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis…(the sprayer starts again, spraying him in the face and torso again) WAIT! WAIT! I’m not-I’ve not finished counting!! (he leaves the booth) (the assistant enters the room)
Ross: You sprayed my front twice!
Assistant: You’ve never turned?
Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Assistant: Mississippi? I said count to five’!
Ross: Mississippilesly? (pause) Well, how bad is it?
Assistant: Ain’t that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Ross: So, how dark is it gonna get?
Assistant: You got sprayed with two two’ s and…
Ross: I’m a four?
Assistant: Yeah, but you’re back’s a zero. You’re gonna wanna even that out.
Ross: (sarcastically) Really!
Assistant: You might wanna get back in there.
Ross: (annoyed) Ok!
(The assistant leaves and Ross goes back in the spray-on tan booth and turns his back to the spray nozzles, facing the back wall)
Ross:Wait, wait a minute, there’s no light on the back wall! How do I know when it’s gonna start? Hello? (he slowly turns and the spraying begins, on his face) Ah, oh, ah! (he turns, but then he turns again and is sprayed in the front again) Ah! (he spits and angrily goes out of the spray-on tan booth and the assistant enters the room) The same thing happened again!
Assistant: You got two more twos?
Ross: (hysterically) I’m an eight!
(Chandler is at the table reading; Monica puts some food for him on the table. Ross walks in looking very tanned. Chandler and Monica look up at him smiling.)
Chandler: Hold on! There is something different.
Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place… The Sun?
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There’s a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Chandler: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself!
Monica: How could you mess this up? It’s so easy? You go into the booth, you count to five and you turn around!!
Ross: (looks at her suspiciously) How do you count to five?
Monica: One Two Three…
Ross: (Yells) Damnit! (Goes to the door to leave. Rachel just enters, sees him and starts laughing)
Rachel: (laughing) oooh! Oh oh!
Ross: (Still yelling) I Know!
Rachel: oh oh! What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic?
(Glenda, who works here, and Ross are walking to the room with the spray-on tan booth.)
Glenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth, and…
Ross: I’m gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two’s… and I want them all on my back.
Glenda: (quietly) Okay…
(Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall)
Ross: Wait a minute, there’s two sets of nozzles, which one is it?
(He turns around frantically from side to side.)
Ross: Which… which… which… Which one is it?
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
Ross:OH! SON OF A BITCH!
(He now turns to the other side, which also starts spraying his face and front.)
(Ross is reading a National Geographic on his sofa when Chandler knocks on the door.)
Chandler:Dude, it’s Chandler. Let me in.
(Ross’s face is now a VERY dark shade of brown.)
Ross: Go away! I don’t want to see anybody.
Chandler: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.
Ross: Really? Did you count Mississipily?
(Ross walks to the door and opens it.)
Ross: Dude, you’re not tanned.
Chandler: No, I just had to get a picture of this.
(Chandler holds up a camera and takes Ross’s picture.)
Chandler:I see you later!
(Ross closes the door)
angrily – mérgesen
bathrobe – fürdőköpeny
belly – has
booth – fülke
distinct line – megkülönböztető/elválasztó vonal
drip marks – cseppek nyomai
dude – haver, cimbi
florist – virágbolt
French tips – Francia manikűr
I wonder if … – Azon gondolkodom, hogy vajon …
keeps getting darker – egyre sötétebb less
nozzle – fúvóka, szívócső
Son of a bitch! – K…va anyád!
spray-on tan – „felspriccelős” barnító
suspiciously – gyanakvóan
sweetie – édesem, drágám
tan – barnaság, lebarnulás
tanned – lebarnult
tanning salon – szolárium
to catch on quick – gyors a felfogása
to even out sth – kiegyenlít
to face sth – szembe nézni vmivel
to get colours (on nails) – kilakkoztatni a körmeit
to knock on the door – kopogni az ajtón
to pat oneself – megveregeti/megütögeti magát
to spit – köp
to stare – bámul
to suggest – javasol
toe separator – lábujj elválasztó (pedikűrözéshez)
torso – felsőtest
X-rated video – 18 éven felülieknek való film, pornófilm/szexfilm