Friends – Cuddly Sleepers
Ross: There it is.
Rachel: Oh, oh, that’s what you’re talking about. Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross and Rachel: Noo.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said ‘Hi, do I look fat today?’ And I, I looked at her….
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it’s just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Ross: And it works both ways.
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Rachel: Well you know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let’s say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she’ll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That’s easy, baggage claim.
Ross: Wrong! Now you’re single. It’s actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I’m all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I’m sorry we can’t help you there, ’cause we’re cuddly sleepers. Okay, I’m late for work.
Rachel: All right are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I’ll, I’m right behind you.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Ross: Bye sweetie.
Rachel: Bye hon.
Ross: Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddly sleepers.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddly, not me, just her. I’m like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. Okay, you’re in bed…
Ross: I’m gonna use the cushion.
Ross: Okay, you’re in bed. She’s over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: You’re pretending the pillow’s a girl right?