The Big Bang Theory – The half sandwich

Penny: Oh, thank you very much. Come back soon. With the other half of my tip. Hey, Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: This is a restaurant. It’s lunchtime. I would think, as a waitress, you’d be familiar with the paradigm.
Penny: Is Leonard coming?
Sheldon: No, I believe Leonard is waiting for you to come crawling back to him and apologize.
Penny: Well, that’s not gonna happen.
Sheldon: I assumed that would be your attitude. Hence, my true purpose in coming here.
Penny: Which is?
Sheldon: I want you to crawl back to him and apologize.
Penny: I’m busy.
Sheldon: Excuse me, miss. I’d like to order lunch.
Penny: Fine. What do you want?
Sheldon: I have a few questions. First, I notice that you offer soup and a half-sandwich?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Where exactly does the half-sandwich come from? Are you giving me half of someone else’s sandwich, or do I have to wait for someone else in the restaurant to order the other half?
Penny: No, no, Sheldon, they just make a half-sandwich.
Sheldon: You can’t make a half-sandwich. If it’s not half of a whole sandwich, it’s just a small sandwich.
Penny: Okay, fine, it’s soup and a small sandwich. Is that what you want?
Sheldon: Of course not. I’ll have my usual.
Penny: Great.
Sheldon: Aren’t you going to ask me if I want a beverage?
Penny: Don’t you usually get lemonade?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Do you want lemonade?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes, I want you to apologize to Leonard.
Penny: I am not going to apologize. I’ve done nothing wrong. He is completely overreacting.
Sheldon: Irrelevant. The disruption in your relationship is making my life intolerable.
Penny: Well, I’m sorry, Sheldon, but this really isn’t about you.
Sheldon: I don’t follow.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I’ll be right there. Look, Sheldon, I have to go.
Sheldon: All right, let’s assume, ad argumentum, that in this case, Leonard is wrong.
Penny: Leonard is wrong.
Sheldon: Considering the number of transgressions you’ve committed that he’s overlooked, don’t you think that, just this once, you could return the favour?
Penny: I’m coming. Goodbye, Sheldon. What do you mean, transgressions I’ve committed?
Sheldon: Were you under the impression that Leonard has no complaints about you?Penny: Like what? Yeah, yeah, I see you, you’re making a little cheque sign in the air, I got it, just hold your horses. What does Leonard complain about?
Sheldon: Your driving, the plethora of stuffed animals on your bed that stare at him during your amorous activities, your constant tardiness, your singing.
Penny: My singing?
Sheldon: That’s actually from my list, but Leonard would be a fool if he didn’t agree with it.
Penny: Okay, if Leonard has so many problems with me, why hasn’t he just said so?
Sheldon: Because, according to him, you’re oversensitive and have a temper.
Penny: Oh, really? Well, then, do me a favour and tell Leonard that he can drop dead!
Sheldon: And she wonders why she’s constantly undertipped.